Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
