Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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