how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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