Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
