So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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