your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
