I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
