I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
