you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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