cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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