She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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