it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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