on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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