I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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