Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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