You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
