I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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