There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
