we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
