she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
