my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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