how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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