We won't sleep together?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
