Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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