I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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