Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
