You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
