Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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