She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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