Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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