I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
