call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
