Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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