my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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