you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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