Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
