He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
