We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
