I'm passing your future prison.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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