they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
