The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
