My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
