at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
