My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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