Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
