wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
