Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
