i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
