hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
