is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
