we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.