my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"