Sry I called you an 8
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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