somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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