apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
