i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
