i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
