maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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