How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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