he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
