I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
